I've been thinking of how my life has changed this past year. My perception of it and then other people's perception. I look at my life in one way and other people see it totally different (or maybe that's just my thoughts). I've heard this phrase dozens of times lately, it goes something like this, "Wow, getting married, a baby and a house all at one time! You've been busy!" etc.etc. etc. or "so much has changed for you getting married, a baby, a house, now you know what the real world is like." pulleeezzz. *time for the 13yo eye roll* ;-) Seriously though. I have had doses of the real world since I was six years old. It's one of my greatest frustrations to hear that comment. Because no matter how non-judmental that person may be, the person asking the question, stating the statement, whatever, there has always been a person before him and most likely after who has been judmental and will be. It's the way of the world. So I'm prickly and snappish and I have snarky replies, all in my head but instead I smile and answer non-chalantly. At least if you don't know wether someone is being judgemental you can at least give them the benefit of the doubt or try to. Emphasis on try.
To be frank the way I look at this whole wonderful year is this. What a fantastic triumph. I'm not the average 20 year old planning out who I'm going to meet up with tonight, what party is next or even studying hard for the next test. My life consists of me raising a baby, planning on meeting my husband tonight for some fun, studying hard to stay educated on real life issues that will and do effect the livelihood of my family. I have goals and no they may not seem lofty to some or very wise to others, they are mine. As I've matured I'm not afraid to admit my true goals. I no longer wish to fit into the box and make up these goals to please others, goals I know they would want to hear.
I always wanted to be a mom. That was my goal, my dream, and lucky for me its something that I get to keep doing. It's a goal that continually is fufilled. No that doesn't mean I'm going to stop making goals but being a mom and having a family were and are my top priority. I didn't want anything more and sometimes I wonder if God hasn't made it this way for a reason. I wish people would see me with my family and all that we have done this past year and think that Peter is a perfect creation. That he is our gift and is given to us on loan from God, that we are so blessed to have him. I wish everyone could see that he is the best of me. Someone to love unconditionally, to make any sacrifice for and moreover I want to.
I know a lot of people questioned our judgement on getting married young. We plowed ahead against the advice of some and with the encouragement of others. Despite not knowing that we would get jobs right away or that school would take off we plowed ahead. No things didn't happen exactly as we thought or hoped but they definitely didn't turn out bad. Yes, things changed but who's to say it wasn't for the better? I don't feel like going into the details of my personal life with everyone, I really don't. So yes actually when you ask me if I'm sure I have the date of conception right, if this was an accident, if I know what a tv is for, yes I find that offensive. If you want to know personal details about my s** life just ask! Oh wait, you just did! We got married, we made a baby, (yes there was a decision but once again personal) we bought a house and are living happily. Not to say our lives are without stress or are easy but I'm happy with our choices.
Oh and for the record I most likely will lie to you if asked if Peter sleeps through the night. It just too much hassle and heart ache. Occasionally if I'm feeling particularly spunky I'll answer the poor dear who coined the question. hehehe Of course he doesn't, he's breastfed, we are using NFP and HELLLOOOO have you ever been engorged? You probably don't want those details though. lol