Rant

I've been thinking of how my life has changed this past year. My perception of it and then other people's perception. I look at my life in one way and other people see it totally different (or maybe that's just my thoughts). I've heard this phrase dozens of times lately, it goes something like this, "Wow, getting married, a baby and a house all at one time! You've been busy!" etc.etc. etc. or "so much has changed for you getting married, a baby, a house, now you know what the real world is like." pulleeezzz. *time for the 13yo eye roll* ;-) Seriously though. I have had doses of the real world since I was six years old. It's one of my greatest frustrations to hear that comment. Because no matter how non-judmental that person may be, the person asking the question, stating the statement, whatever, there has always been a person before him and most likely after who has been judmental and will be. It's the way of the world. So I'm prickly and snappish and I have snarky replies, all in my head but instead I smile and answer non-chalantly. At least if you don't know wether someone is being judgemental you can at least give them the benefit of the doubt or try to. Emphasis on try.

To be frank the way I look at this whole wonderful year is this. What a fantastic triumph. I'm not the average 20 year old planning out who I'm going to meet up with tonight, what party is next or even studying hard for the next test. My life consists of me raising a baby, planning on meeting my husband tonight for some fun, studying hard to stay educated on real life issues that will and do effect the livelihood of my family. I have goals and no they may not seem lofty to some or very wise to others, they are mine. As I've matured I'm not afraid to admit my true goals. I no longer wish to fit into the box and make up these goals to please others, goals I know they would want to hear.

I always wanted to be a mom. That was my goal, my dream, and lucky for me its something that I get to keep doing. It's a goal that continually is fufilled. No that doesn't mean I'm going to stop making goals but being a mom and having a family were and are my top priority. I didn't want anything more and sometimes I wonder if God hasn't made it this way for a reason. I wish people would see me with my family and all that we have done this past year and think that Peter is a perfect creation. That he is our gift and is given to us on loan from God, that we are so blessed to have him. I wish everyone could see that he is the best of me. Someone to love unconditionally, to make any sacrifice for and moreover I want to.

I know a lot of people questioned our judgement on getting married young. We plowed ahead against the advice of some and with the encouragement of others. Despite not knowing that we would get jobs right away or that school would take off we plowed ahead. No things didn't happen exactly as we thought or hoped but they definitely didn't turn out bad. Yes, things changed but who's to say it wasn't for the better? I don't feel like going into the details of my personal life with everyone, I really don't. So yes actually when you ask me if I'm sure I have the date of conception right, if this was an accident, if I know what a tv is for, yes I find that offensive. If you want to know personal details about my s** life just ask! Oh wait, you just did! We got married, we made a baby, (yes there was a decision but once again personal) we bought a house and are living happily. Not to say our lives are without stress or are easy but I'm happy with our choices.

Oh and for the record I most likely will lie to you if asked if Peter sleeps through the night. It just too much hassle and heart ache. Occasionally if I'm feeling particularly spunky I'll answer the poor dear who coined the question. hehehe Of course he doesn't, he's breastfed, we are using NFP and HELLLOOOO have you ever been engorged? You probably don't want those details though. lol

a long and winding update

Well since the last time I posted on here Peter has gained weight and height. He just figured out how to reach for toys and grab them. He gets what he wants and it immediately winds up in his mouth. Yay! He can play on his bouncy toy lifting both his legs way up in the air to hit the toys and hear them make noise. He's a noisey, happy, excited baby especially at seven in the morning. I desperately try to sleep through the kicking and the squealing.

So the day before yesterday we had our first and hopefully last brush with EMS. I figure we've gone and got it out of the way now and I'll be happy to never see them at my home for any of my children ever again. Well, Peter once again has thrush mostly I'm guessing because I never finished treating it for the total 10 days required. Which is what I'm working on now, anywhoooo... I had him on the floor and was opening the bottle to put some on my pinky to swab out his mouth like I've been doing and he kicked my hand. The gentian violet splattered all over. His arms, my arms, his chest and then I noticed he had a spot on his cheek. Amusing at first to see all that purple but he opened his eye and looked at me and all I could see was purple/black. So much purple in his eye you couldn't see the iris or the pupil. He wasn't crying until I picked him up and Sarah and I started for the bathroom to rinse and rinse out his eye.

I don't think I've ever felt more sick to my stomach. He was hysterical and the only info. on the back of the bottle was seek medical attention immediately. I was getting my stuff together, purse, keys, phone, diapers and clothes. Peter wasn't wearing anything at all because I was getting him dressed at the time. About the time that we were getting in the car to go to the med clinic I realized that I really couldn't risk putting him in the car to drive 15 min or so plus the time it would take to get seen. I needed to spend that time rinsing out his eye. All in all only about two or three minutes had passed. Sarah and I held him down over the seek and kept flushing his eye while we waited for EMS to get here. The first to arrive were the firemen of course because they're just right down the street. Basically they didn't know any more then me, but thought we should keep rinsing it out. So we alternated between rinsing out his eye and holding him. They checked his vitals and blah blah blah blah. Oh while the firemen were here Sarah leaned against our stove igniting paper towels I had used to wipe my crying snotty face. Lovely. So while the stove has a huge flame on it and I'm standing there nursing a crying baby while standing on one leg I beat the stupid fire out with a pot holder while the three firemen in my kitchen just stand there and watch. Thhhannnks guys. Oh and they also made a comment along the lines of "well good thing we were here." They were really nice though and calm and kept me calm, pretty rational.

When EMS got there they called Dell Children's Hospital to ask the doctors there what they thought and since Peter's eye was only tinged purple at this time they decided it would be fine to just keep rinsing it out at home. Pooor baby, his eyes was all purple and his lids all bruised and swollen because we had been prying his eye open. My sisters, brothers, well my whole family has a twisted sense of humor...so I could understand how someone could come up with funny jokes about the boy with a purple eye and all the things people could call him. HOWEVER, I think that none of us would have made any of those jokes at that time. Maybe later but not then. Not the old fireman. He thought it was funny. Funny, Funny, Funny.

On a happier note, we moved into the new house last weekend and are loving it. So much more room! It's wonderful. It's light and airy, we were able to get all of our wedding gifts out and actually use them! Who knew we had such pretty things. Everything is getting decorated and falling into place. Peter is on a little routine and it's great. Some of my siblings are coming up here after my Mom has little Joseph and we're going to see about planting some stuff out in the back. I'm so excited to be getting a new little brother. Cuz the old ones are soooooo boring let me tell you! ;-)